I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i believe in u and ur pee
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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