I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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