Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
