We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
