It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
