New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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