last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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