His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
