A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
