she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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