are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
