i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
