I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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