im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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