I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
