dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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