Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
