he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
