i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
