I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want to make out with him forever
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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