You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
