so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You pole danced in your parka.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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