Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
