So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
