I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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