i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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