I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
