I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
only if we run a train.
done.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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