Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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