Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize