I just saw a hot homeless man
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
