I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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