The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
