it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
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I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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