Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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