How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
