and you said cock pushups were impossible
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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