I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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