I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
