I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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