Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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