She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
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don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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