i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
