Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
