by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
