I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This house was built for laser tag.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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