I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
