sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
