if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
two words...techno handjob
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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