i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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