I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
pray to the hookup gods
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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