I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
