had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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