I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
