giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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