I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
