I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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