"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
