last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
