when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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