Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
