You can't motorboat a personality
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
