brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
