im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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