I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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