when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
