I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Randomize
